The Redundant Monkey

Overheard in the Elevator

Woman:  So how's your new puppy?

Man:  GREAT! AWESOME!  Dude, Twitter's all messed up, because you would have known how he's doing!

Woman:  Right?!  Twitter is all fucked up this week!

Man:  I know, you would have so known how he's doing!

ME IN MY HEAD:  Elevator, please fall and make us plummet to our deaths.  Please?

Overheard at Work

I could have sworn she was a stone cold lesbian, I mean god, look at those pants suits she's always wearing, but then she mentioned her wedding and it was to a HE, not a SHE!  I knoooooow!  I was just as shocked as you are.

Overheard at the Kills Show

Fancy Lady to Drunk Dancing Girl:  "Could you move like two inches, your hair keeps on getting in my wine."

Me To Another Drunk Girl Who Keeps on Pushing Me as We're Leaving the El Rey:  "I'm just gonna let you go in front of me because you keep on pushing me."
Drunk Bitch:  "What?!  OK"  Then she either sneers at me or is that drunk she can barely keep her eyes open.  "Whaaaat?  I don't even know you."

Overheard in the Elevator

Girl:  The class is at 6 am!  If I'm going to be up that early, I might as well be blogging.